Deciding to undergo IVF treatment with donor eggs is often not a simple medical decision. For many women and couples, it comes after years of trying, repeated disappointments, treatments that did not bring the hoped-for result, and a gradual realization that the path to parenthood may look different than originally imagined.
This was also one of the main topics discussed in our webinar with Adrienn Schneider, M.Sc., psychologist, certified fertility counsellor, who supports women, men and couples facing infertility. In her work, she focuses on decision-making, ambivalence, grief, guilt, and the emotional complexity of the fertility journey.
When hope and grief exist at the same time
For many patients, donor egg treatment opens a new possibility - a real chance to become parents. At the same time, it can also bring the need to process a different vision of parenthood than the one they may have originally imagined. These two emotions can exist side by side.
As Adrienn Schneider explains, it is common for patients to feel both sadness and hope during this process. Grief does not mean that you are not grateful for the opportunity. And hope does not mean that the loss is not real.
This ambivalence can feel confusing. Many patients ask themselves:
“Can I be ready for donor egg treatment if part of me is still grieving?”
The answer is often: yes. Acceptance is not always a single moment. It is usually a process.
What are patients grieving?
Grief in the context of donor egg treatment is often complex. It may include the loss of a genetic connection, but also the loss of an imagined future, the feeling that fertility was supposed to be natural, or the sense of control over one’s own body.
Some women also struggle with questions such as:
“Will I feel like the real mother?”
“Will my child feel connected to me?”
“What does family mean if genetics are different?”
These questions are deeply human. They do not mean that someone is rejecting the treatment or the future child. They simply show that this decision touches many layers of identity, expectations, and personal history.
Adrienn emphasizes that every fertility story is unique and that there is no single “right” way to feel or process this experience. Some people move toward donor egg treatment with relief. Others need more time. Both reactions are valid.
Acceptance does not mean forgetting the loss
One important message from the webinar was that grief is not an obstacle to treatment. It can be an important part of emotional preparation.
Acceptance does not mean that everything suddenly feels easy. It does not mean erasing sadness or pretending the original wish never existed. It means slowly finding a way to integrate the experience into your story, so that the next step feels emotionally possible and internally safe.
As Adrienn explains, psychological support is not about “removing” grief. It is about giving emotions space, understanding them, and learning how to carry them in a healthier way.
Couples may process the decision differently
Another important topic is the dynamic between partners. In many couples, one partner may feel ready to move forward sooner, while the other still needs time to process the loss or uncertainty.
This difference can create tension, but it is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong. It often simply means that each partner is processing the situation in a different way.
Creating space for open conversations can help. Instead of trying to convince each other, partners can try to speak from their own perspective. The goal is not to force both people to feel the same, but to find a path that feels acceptable and safe for both.
Will the child feel like mine?
One of the most common fears around donor egg treatment is whether the bond with the child will feel natural.
Many women worry that the absence of a genetic link may affect their sense of motherhood. These fears deserve to be taken seriously. At the same time, parenthood is shaped by much more than genetics.
Pregnancy, birth, early bonding, daily care, emotional presence, touch, voice, routines, comfort, and love all play a powerful role in building the parent-child relationship. The child grows within the mother’s body and becomes part of the family through relationship, care, and everyday life.
As Adrienn highlighted during the discussion, genetics are only one part of a child’s development. Attachment, environment, upbringing, and the emotional relationship within the family are deeply important.
You do not have to feel fully ready from the beginning
Many patients wait for a moment when they will feel completely certain. But such a moment may never arrive.
Choosing donor egg treatment can involve uncertainty, reflection, sadness, courage, and hope all at once. Feeling unsure does not mean you are making the wrong decision. It may simply mean that the decision matters deeply.
Psychological support can help patients explore these emotions without pressure. It can create a safe space to ask difficult questions, name fears, and move toward a decision that feels more grounded.
A holistic approach to infertility treatment
At Unica Clinic, we are focusing not only on the physical condition but also on the mental well-being of our patients. IVF with donor eggs is a medical treatment, but it is also a life-changing emotional journey.
That is why we value a holistic approach. Alongside advanced reproductive medicine, our patients can benefit from psychological support, counselling, and a caring team that understands the sensitive nature of this decision.
If you are considering IVF treatment with donor eggs, or if you are already on this path and feel uncertain, we are here to support you with medical expertise, empathy, and psychological care.
Book a consultation with our team and learn more about your treatment options at Unica Clinic.